Steadfast Faith

Sep 22, 2021

One of the coolest things about growing up abroad as a missionary kid was the frequent opportunity to meet incredible people from all over the world. Mission fields attract people whose hearts are on fire for Jesus and his command to preach the gospel to all nations, and our home was a haven for people just like that. We had a constant influx of Jesus lovers from all over the world preaching the gospel through dramas, sports, games, art and genuine testimonies of how God had changed their lives. Hosting them was one of my absolute favorite experiences as a kid and teen. 

It was a cooler July evening in Bolivia, when winter pays a brief and gentle visit to the Amazonian rain forest. A former missionary friend from Fiji had come to visit our family and spend time with our local church. He spoke that night at our evening service of how Jesus had redeemed him from the broken man he was before, and I was moved and touched by the words he shared. As we walked home that night together along the faded brick streets of our village, I told him how encouraging it was to hear people like him share such powerful testimonies of what God had done in their lives.

“I’ve never been anything but a Christian,” I told him. “If I had to get up in front of a crowd and share my personal testimony like you just did, I would have nothing to say.”

We walked in silence as I shared my thoughts with him. I felt boring and plain. No visions or dreams. No lifesaving change through new found redemption. It is what it’s always been.

But his words broke the silence and negative thoughts running through my mind.

“Amy, you have an amazing testimony,” he answered. “Do you know how hard it is to be steadfast and faithful when that’s all you’ve ever known? You don’t have a jaw dropping, audience pleasing testimony because you’ve never strayed away from the faith you were called to from the very beginning. That, my friend, is the greatest testimony of all time.”

I smiled and nodded. I immediately knew what he meant. That was the last time I ever wished for a testimony other than my boring, steadfast self.

The last time, until now that is.

“Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.” – C. S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

Obedience in the face of despair is the battering ram that will shake the gates of hell.

And I’m not giving up.

I’ve walked with Jesus my 34 years, never losing sight of the cross. I’ve faced death, grief, disappointment, cancer, sickness and a daily battle of fearing my days will be brief on this earth. Through every season of suffering, I’ve never stopped believing or silenced my prayers. I’ve held onto faith like a lifeline in a stormy sea.

I’ve begged for dreams, signs and wonders. I’ve questioned, doubted, argued and cried. I’ve called out in desperation as I’ve stumbled through valleys. I’ve searched for footsteps in the sand.

And yet faith is what stands.

Because faith isn’t a feeling – it’s a choice to believe no matter what you feel.

Walking through that moonlight night all those years ago, I never realized how hard this steadfast testimony of mine would be. It seemed easy to stay on course when I didn’t have to walk through deep waters. I was called to stay grounded in the faith I found so easy to believe.

But oceans have found me, and believing is no longer simple and easy. I’ve been called out to walk on water.

And as I’ve faced my deepest darkness, there’s no lightning in the sky, no voice in the wind, no parting of Red Seas.

Steadfast faithfulness is what carries me through the moments of deepest fear, pain and sorrow.

It’s the promise in my heart when my mind can’t find sense. And it’s the truth in my thoughts when my heart fails.

It’s my mother’s prayers and my father’s wisdom.

It’s the spirit interceding when words won’t come.

The greatest race of our lives is a lifelong race, and there’s no magic shortcut or easier way.

Steadfast. faithful.

Reminding ourselves through each and every step of the way that we run towards the One who holds us even when our strength fails.

This is my testimony: to never walk away.

To seek His face day and night.

To bless His name rain or shine.

To believe He is good even when it doesn’t feel good.

To run my race, and lock my eyes on Jesus.

Hi! I’m Amy…

I am a stay-at-home mom with a passion for books, baking, gardening and homeschooling. My calling to write stems from the desire to share the depths and vastness of grief and suffering, and how to point it back towards an eternal perspective through Jesus. Called to live full and grace filled lives, I hope to acknowledge pain, inspire joy through brokenness and find purpose in the beauty, the ugly and the mundane of parenting day to day. 

My husband, Ryan, and I live in Charleston, SC with our 4 busy boys, 2 dogs and constant influx of tadpoles, frogs, crayfish and lizards.